Third trimester –preparing for baby number 2!

I can’t believe how quickly this pregnancy is going and now I’m well into the third trimester I thought I’d share some preparations we’ve been doing for baby number 2 – both practical and emotional 🙂

preparing for baby number 2

Preparing Archie for his new sister

Given his age (currently 20 months), we haven’t really explained to Arch that he’s going to have a baby sister because we feel he’s too young to understand and any mention of it seems to go ignored at the moment! But he has started going to nursery for 2 mornings a week to get him well settled in before she arrives. This is the first time me and him have really spent apart and selfishly it wasn’t something I was too keen on but I think it’s definitely best for the long-term. My attention will obviously be split when the new baby arrives and I want to make sure he gets enough stimulation and social interaction. Plus I’m already finding that I can be more focussed during the time we do spend together so hopefully it will benefit him in both ways.

Practical preparations

The new baby’s nursery is coming together well and although it’s not necessary for it to be fully ready as soon as baby is born (because she will sleep with us for the first few months) it’s something that I want to do so I can feel fully organised. All the furniture is in and it just needs a bit of organising and a few pictures up for it to feel finalised. I’ve also been sorting through all of Archie’s old clothes and seeing what we can reuse or anything new we might need. I’m yet to start the mammoth task that is washing it all though – eek!

Although I plan to try and breastfeed, I’m also getting everything sorted for bottle feeding (new teats and bottles, setting up the Perfect Prep machine and sterilisers) so that we have a Plan B should we need it.

We’ve now bought the adapters for our pram (iCandy Orange) so we just need to work out what combination will work best for it to be converted into a double.

I’ve also read that it’s a good idea to get all toys/ equipment out for the baby 2-3 weeks before our due date so Archie has a chance to familiarise and will no doubt lose interest in them by the time baby arrives.

Childcare during labour

Although we don’t have family who live near us, my parents are about an hour and a half drive away and have kindly offered to stay at ours and look after Archie when the new baby arrives. This is a huge weight off my mind because it’s a potentially unsettling time for Arch but I know with my mum and dad around he will be spoilt with attention and probably won’t even notice we’re gone. My husband commutes daily into London which is about an hour and a half away too so I’m just hoping if I go into labour, I will spot the signs early enough for everyone to get to me in time! Having been induced last time, and because I laboured quickly, this is something that’s playing on my mind a little but I do have some lovely mummy friends locally who could hopefully hold down the fort in the meantime, if it really came to it!

Introducing the siblings

I’ve been giving this quite a lot of thought and although in my head I always pictured a sweet moment of Archie meeting his little sister in hospital, I’m now thinking it’s probably best for Arch not to come into hospital at all. I think it would be really unsettling for him, especially if we have to then say goodbye and I can’t leave with him. So hopefully I won’t have a long stay in hospital and we can bring his sister home to meet him instead. I’ve read up some tips on how best to introduce your second born to your first so I thought I’d share these in case they’re useful:

  • Don’t hold your baby when first introducing– make sure your arms are free to give your first born as many cuddles as they need for reassurance
  • Introduce baby as “your baby sister”
  • Try to make the environment as non-medical as possible so it’s not frightening
  • Ask firstborn if he’d like to stroke or cuddle his new sister but don’t force it
  • Allow and accept any reaction – it’s a big confusing moment for them
  • If you want to document the moment then get someone else to take photos/ videos – you want to be there to support your firstborn as much as possible

Preparing to feel all the mum guilt

Ah this is one which I’m already feeling to be honest with you but I know that it’s just the beginning! I think it’s important to know it’s totally normal to feel like this though and that it just reflects how much you care and love your children. The below are a few areas of guilt that I’m expecting to feel but no doubt the reality will be slightly different:

  • Turning Archie’s world upside down and any negative reaction from him
  • Not being able to devote as much time to the new baby as I did the first time with Archie
  • Breastfeeding guilt – something I experienced quite badly first time round so I’m hoping to be much kinder to myself this time if breastfeeding doesn’t work out
  • Feeling like I’m not doing anything well and we’re just about surviving!

Interestingly that last point is something I felt constantly during Archie’s first year and I found striving purely for survival quite a depressing prospect to be honest. But having lived through it, I know that things do get easier, the good days do get more frequent and parts of your old life (before children) do come back again so I’m hoping that I don’t forget this easily and it can help get me through when everything feels a bit overwhelming.

Expecting chaos!

It’s strange looking back to the first few months of having Archie because I remember feeling like things were chaotic then and a bit all over the place (I’m a typical Virgo in that I love routine so this was tough!).

But this time round, I know there will be plenty more chaos in the house! And I’ll probably rarely feel on top of everything which is a bit daunting but I’m hoping that maintaining Archie’s structure (of sleeping, eating, nursery, classes) will help to give me a bit more of the routine I craved last time.

One thing I’ve heard from speaking to other mums is that it’s easy, particularly in the early days, to let someone else look after your firstborn whilst you get to grips with the new baby. But that actually this can be unsettling for your firstborn so it’s important to give them as much love and attention as you can as a way of reassurance.

I’m also aware that the firstborn can display a few behaviour changes as they deal with the emotions that can come from having a new baby in the house. This could be being more clingy than normal, not wanting affection from their parents, eating regressions, problems sleeping, increased tantrums etc. So I’m preparing myself for this and will try to be as understanding and as empathetic as I can, knowing it’s not personal, but just a time of adjustment for us all.

Self-care

It sounds a bit cliché and self-care seems to be the new buzzword, but one of the main things I’ve learnt since becoming a parent is that to be the best mum I can be, I need to take care of myself and ensure that I’m not always bottom of the priority list! For me, doing some form of physical exercise has always helped with my mental health so I’m hoping I can get back to doing maybe just one quick HIIT workout a week or a short run every now and again. But more importantly just finding a little “me time”, even if it’s just 5 mins of time to myself to clear my head and gain a little perspective – it’s very easy to get caught up in the bubble and lose sight of the bigger picture.

Are there any second-time parents out there who can offer more advice/ reassurance? I would love to hear it 🙂

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A letter to Archie: 18 months

Dear Archie,

I can’t quite believe we’re 6 months past your first birthday – time just seems to be flying!

Archie 18 months

We’ve not long moved house and it is fair to say you are loving your new surroundings, particularly the garden which you would play in every minute of the day if you could 🙂

We also found out recently that later this year you’re going to be a big brother! I’m so excited for you to have a sister to share your childhood with, like I did. And I know you’re going to be the best big brother because you already have such a lovely, kind and caring nature.

You’re still a bit wild (!) but we wouldn’t change that for the world. People often comment how confident and full of life you are – noting how you never sit still and that you’d rather run than walk! Your playful side comes out most with the people you know well (but you’re not shy of those you don’t) and you love being tickled/ chased.

You are such a sociable character and will soon be going to a local nursery for a couple of mornings a week and I think you’re going to love making new friends and exploring a new place.

Despite being Mr Independent, your affectionate side is coming out more by the day –you’ve started offering us cuddles and are visibly excited when you see Daddy walk through the door.

Looks-wise you are definitely a proper little boy now and have lost many of your baby features. You are still very much Daddy’s mini-me except you’re actually quite tall for your age (something I’m pretty sure you don’t get from Daddy!).

You’ve become much fussier with food since your first birthday and definitely know what you want (and don’t want!). But if there’s a snack or something sweet around, you can guarantee you’ll be the first to notice and get in there!

Your understanding has come on enormously in the last month or so and I love being able to interact with you more. You like helping me with jobs around the house and you’re constantly babbling, even if most of the time I’m not sure what you’re saying.

Aside from the obvious first words (mumma, dada etc.) you have a few favourites – birdie, ball, car, cake– which definitely relate to the things you like most.

You love being sung to and you love music in general – we often sit and watch Disney songs together on the iPad. You also sing/ babble away to yourself in your cot to get yourself to sleep and I love listening to it on the monitor.

I know we’re incredibly biased but Mummy and Daddy are just so unbelievably proud of you. We constantly say “What did we do to deserve you?” and we really don’t know but we thank our lucky stars every single day.

Love you to the moon and back,

Mummy xxx

 

I’m pregnant!

I mentioned last week that moving house was one of the reasons I’ve been a little quiet on here but the other (rather big) reason is because we’re having another baby! We’re so thrilled and can’t wait to meet Archie’s brother/ sister later this year. As is common with most pregnancies I’ve been dealing with a whole host of different emotions so I thought I’d share on here. I’d love to hear from any fellow mummies who have experienced similar – please do let me know in the comments 🙂

pregnancy

First trimester

So far my pregnancy has been very similar to last time. I felt very nauseous during the first trimester and although I was never sick I found it very difficult to prepare and be around certain foods – these unhelpfully seemed to change on a daily basis. I’d also forgotten how tired the first trimester makes you and it felt so much harder this time – probably because I was running around after a toddler! Both of these things made me feel quite down overall and I just didn’t really feel like myself. I think the fact I felt like I couldn’t be honest with people (because we didn’t share our news until our scan) was also a contributing factor. I find it very hard to hide my feelings and I think it was obvious to my nearest and dearest that something was bothering me.

Sharing the news

We waited until our 12 week scan to tell our family and friends, mostly because it didn’t feel real until that point and I was convinced that something was going to go wrong (for no specific reason – I think it’s quite common to feel like this). When we did tell our family we had quite a few shocked reactions, almost implying it was too small an age gap.

It’s something we had thought about for a long time and I truly don’t believe there is the perfect gap. But for us, we decided we wanted to have them fairly close together (it will be about 22 months). And if I’m really honest one of the reasons is because I found the first 6 months really hard last time and I’m fully anticipating it could be the same again so I just want to get that period out of the way. Plus I’ve been so concerned about the impact a new baby with have on Archie and I’ve read the younger your first is when you have the second the easier the transition will be for them. I have no idea if this is the case but I’m happy to keep you posted!

Archie – the big brother!

I’m so excited for Archie to have a brother/ sister and I know that in the long term it will be so beneficial for him. My husband and I both grew up with siblings and I honestly can’t imagine a childhood without having someone to share it with. However, since having Archie I can completely understand why some people choose to have just one. I know it sounds cheesy but he is everything I ever hoped for in a child and so much more. My heart is so full.

I do worry about the short-term effect on him in terms of having to share the limelight and not having our full attention. I know that the impact is often hardest on the relationship with their mummies and I’m so worried that we won’t be as close as we are now. If you read my previous post about our bond (see here if not) you will know that it took a while for us to get to this point and so I’m really hoping there’s no long-term impact on it. But he’s such a sociable little boy that hopefully he’ll soon see the positives of having a permanent playmate around!

Baby number 2

So many people have asked me if I’d like a girl this time round and I honestly do not have a preference. It’s funny how we always assume women want girls but I can fully envisage myself as a mum of 2 boys and being the only Princess in the house….and I’m totally fine with that! Equally, if we did have a girl I’d be just as delighted because I have such a close relationship with my own mum and I’d hope to have the same with my daughter.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about how I’m going to cope with 2 children, particularly with my husband working long hours and my family being far away. When Archie is giving me a particularly challenging day, I do wonder how an earth I’ll cope with a baby to take care of too. But I’m really trying to not let the anxiety take over like it did last time. I’ll find ways of managing and I know that in the end things do get easier so it’s just about riding the storm. I’m hoping that I’ll feel a tad more confident with some experience under my belt but I’m also aware that all babies are so different and we may face completely different challenges this time! All in all though, I’m just so excited and feel privileged to be able to expand our family.

I’ll keep you posted as to how the rest of the pregnancy continues and if you do have any questions, please feel free to ask in the comments!